10 Types of Xbox Live Gamers

5 Oct

If you’ve spent more than a day on Xbox Live, you would have come across a various array of gamers– regardless of the genre of the game. You will become frustrated for sure. Some were dropped in the gaming universe to be a permanent pain in your ass. So I have compiled a list of what you should expect to encounter from gamers on Xbox Live. Most of them are an annoyance but there is light at the end of the tunnel. So let’s get started!
1. The Camper

This gamer spends most of the round making smores and hot dogs over a flaming campfire. He’ll squeeze off a few rounds every now and again when some poor soul crosses their path. “Where’s the fun in that?” The fun is making your life a living hell because you will be so determined to get them out of their spot that you more than likely will get killed by him at least another 4 times before you succeed which will lead to raised blood pressure and a lot of cussing. And God forbid you get a camper that spawn camps and in that case God help you when this happens. Nothing tests my patience more than an unrelenting spawn-camper.


2. The N00b

PLEASE spend more time practicing on the campaign before hopping online. Some habits you’ll encounter from noobs include: Spray n’ Pray; repeated accidental suicides; charging through infamous camping spots and dying the same death, at the hand of the same guy, over and over again (that was mentioned before); running out into the open on a notoriously sniper-friendly map (i.e. Afghan, Wasteland and Overgrown for COD2); and forgetting to knife/melee at close range just to name a few. Then at the end of the game you see your team lost because of this gamers 4-25 ratio. To which point, I say, “Fuck Off!”

3.The Homophobic/Closet Homosexual

There is more prejudiced verbal abuse on Xbox Live than you could EVER imagine. It’s amazing how verbal one becomes when protected by anonymity. My years of experience with these online gamers have led me to conclude that many in the community are self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who wish they had a penis that lied next to them every single night. Why else would a gamer say “Suck my dick you fucking fag” unless they were looking for some penis. It’s the only logical explanation.

4.The Trash Talker

No other player type makes me want to punch someone in the damn face. They talk all this shit pre-game, and offers the most unique set of excuses post-game. I take great solace in the fact that most of the trash talkers that play tend to suck monkey balls.


5. The Boosters

These dick heads deserve a special spot in hell. These gamers get together with there friends and on any particular map they will set up shop to shoot eachother to get to the top of the leaderboard. Leaving the helpless saps who are playing the game straight up with the scraps. These assholes you have to go out of your way to hunt down. Which by the way is worth it just to ruin their day. Watch the video below to see how it is done.

6. The Pre-Pubescent (whose balls hasn’t dropped!)

It’s a wonder to me that every pre-teen on Xbox Live I’ve come across is an annoying, whiny, loud-mouthed cunt. When they speak, it’s like I’m listening to Alvin, Simon, or Theodore bitch, blather, and complain. They manage to sprinkle about the f-bomb in between every noun, verb, and adjective because cursing is still cool. Then some of them have the nerve to be Racist chipmunks which makes matters even worse. which leads me to number 7.


7. The Xbox Live Racists

The resident shit stains of Xbox Live. These idiots come on Xbox Live to spit their hate simply because they can’t say it to the kid who is obviously taking their lunch money at school. Racist comments are ridiculous and have no place in Xbox Live. People even start websites about the subject.


8. The DJ

The mute button is your greatest ally against this idiot. I’m not exactly sure what motivates a gamer to blast their shitty music and leave their microphone on next to the speaker. The only thing that’s worse than these wannabe DJs are the assholes that enjoy it and encourage it.

9. The Stat Whore

This is one SELFISH bastard. It doesn’t matter to them what game type they are playing, or what the goal is. All they care about is a solid ratio at the end of the round. This jerk off needs to stick with Deathmatch games! He insists upon invading the poor folks who are trying to capture the flag, plant bombs, or defend bases.


10. The Team Player This is the player you WANT to encounter. They offer encouraging words. They go out of their way to soothe your ego. When they die they always announces where, and for you to proceed with caution. If playing anything other than Deathmatch, they attempt to play an organized game to achieve the objective at hand. They make up for any shortcomings skill-wise by being the ultimate team player. This gamer is also the only one I will add as a friend despite them being a complete stranger. This gamer deserves a special place in heaven and my heart. AWWWWWWW!

Enhanced by Zemanta

One Response to “10 Types of Xbox Live Gamers”

  1. DopedUPSniper May 11, 2010 at 4:11 pm #

    >canary im loving your blog so far like for real *tear*

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: